She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
