Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
