Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
