don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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