ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
