Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
