dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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