What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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