if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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