i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
