There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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