He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He did a backflip because drugs
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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