counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
