Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
