you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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