24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
