At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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