Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
