im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
