he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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