He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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