Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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