i just had sex bonerless
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
