Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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