Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
