The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
