I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
