God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
