I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
