I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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