I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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