i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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