Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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