I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
