peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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