dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
