Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
