Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
