I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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