I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
