When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
