This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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