I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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