Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just blew my weed a kiss
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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