I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
