When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
