I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
