Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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