There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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