so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
